Friday, March 23, 2012

Self Discovery

This post is a not so normal post by me today.  This is a reality hit me in the face this past week, and so that you know my life is not perfect and I don't always just write about how good my life is going in an attempt to pull the wool over your eyes so to say.  We all have struggles and again I'm no exception.  I know you all think I'm just so sweet and nice (had you fooled lol).  I do have my own issues.  I am a very outspoken (no say it isn't so) lol and independent person.  I haven't always been, but here in the last few years it has gotten worse.  I tell people what is on my mind (bluntly I may add)  without thinking first sometimes.  It's very hard at times to switch from witch mode at work to sweet nice me.  Obviously, there are times that I must be mean and nasty to people (patients) at work.  I don't like to but sometimes it's necessary.  Long story short my mouth, mind, body, and soul decided to rear it's ugly head this past weekend. 

When it comes to a significant others most times I clam up in fear saying something to hurt them.  I just keep everything bottled up inside until one day the angry witch comes out to play.  Needless to say, if you noticed my sidebar before today you noticed that the picture of Steve and I was taken down.  Yes, my friends, I asked (ummm ok demanded he move out) over the weekend.  Bet you didn't know that while you read Monday's post. lol.  Neither Steve or I are very good at communicating.  He too bottles things up, but never gets angry or yells.  THAT my friends sometimes drives me crazy!  You know there are sometimes you just want to fight with someone because it'll make you feel better.  Well, our (OK my fight) got out of hand and I got so angry I just didn't know what to do.  So..... I thought by asking him to leave it would fix everything. WRONG!!!!!!!! It didn't.  It in fact got worse because I couldn't stand to watch him move his things out and I missed him terribly by Monday evening.  I couldn't believe what I had done to hurt my best friend.  (sigh) We were so happy together... how could one little fight cause me to throw it all away?  Friends I'm here to tell you I plead temporary insanity. :-/  We exchanged a few text messages in the days to follow and decided to go out to dinner to "air things out".  We decided we would then figure out where we stood.  Tuesday and Wednesday were very difficult, but it gave me time to think.  Think about what exactly was the issue.  It had nothing to do with what to throw in the trash or give to Goodwill or whether Steve was spending enough time with me.  YES, this was the argument that sent me over the cliff.  (shaking my head).  To be honest, this was just the straw that broke the camel's back.  The deeper issue was communication.  We had gotten too busy with work, kids, and other things to really talk and discuss things.  So, what do I do but turn to the internet to figure out how I was going to change and start communicating better with him.  I learned a lot.  For those who are my friend's on Facebook you have already seen my list of things to work on.  For the rest of you some of these may hit home with you too.  Now you'll see just how I got into the mess I was.

Communication lesson #1 for me. I need to listen better to the other person instead of thinking about what I'm going to say next to prove a point.
Communication lesson #2 for me. Accept criticism without getting defensive. :( ugghh so hard for me.
Communication lesson #3. I don't always have to be right. I need to compromise more.
Communication lesson #4. Tell people what I expect or want don't assume they already know. Not everyone thinks the same way as I do.
Communication lesson #5 for me. If I feel myself getting too emotionally charged during a conversation I need to leave and cool off. Don't say things out of anger to hurt the other person.
Communication lesson #6. Try to see the other person's point of view. Repeat to them what I'm hearing them say to be sure we're on the same page. Don't make it sound like I'm mimicking them though.
Anyway, the picture of us will be reappearing :-)  We have decided to live apart for awhile, but still see each other as much as we can.  The kid's are thrilled because they both like Steve and didn't understand why I would do such a thing.  Obviously you can't tell them everything, but I told them a few reasons why and they were bummed.  Moving on to last night dinner went really well.  We both discovered how much we missed being away from each other and promised to try harder.  We were stuck in a rut.  I didn't realize that until yesterday when I decided to do some things for me.  I painted my nails AND toenails.  I know you are saying sooooo lol.  I haven't done it in YEARS!!!!! I had one bottle that was completely dry. lol.  Then I dressed up and put make up on to go to dinner.  Again YEARS since I did that too.  I felt awesome last night when he saw me to pick me up and said I'd looked really nice.  He says I need to do this kind of stuff for myself because I was letting myself go by wearing sweatpants, t shirts, and work clothes all the time.  HE says I need to get "girlied up more often" and he's right.  We are going to make time for "us" without the kids and be more of a team and not individuals.  We had forgotten what made us so happy in the beginning and are trying to get that back.

Are you bored of my ramblings yet?!?!? lol I'm almost done.  Anyway, I know this picture is grainy, but my cell phone takes awful pictures.  But this is me all glamed up ready to go to dinner.  I didn't have a shiny forehead it was the flash lol.  I have long hair, but because it was so hot I had to pull it back. lol.  I just noticed my eyebrows look different to... huh lol  I figured if he decided we were through at least he could see what he was walking away from. lol

So anyway, we are back together (sorry for those of you who wanted the chance to steal him  ;-) lol  The kids and I are struggling with him not being here at night, but we will get through it.  All of this being said, I have examined in my life where I am going wrong with him.  I want to spend time with him but as he pointed out the crafting has gotten out of hand.  When he was home in the evening, I a lot of times, would go to the craft room and craft.  This was taking time away from him and the kids.  So, I have decided that after 5pm no crafting.  This of course will cut into the items that I make for the booth.  WHICH I may have to make some decisions on whether to close it down so that I have more time with my family.  I'm still on the fence with that right.  I will still make items, but they may just be available on the web only.  I'm not sure yet.  I'll let you all know as I decide.  Also no cell phones in the evening unless my kid's are somewhere and might need to get a hold of me.  This is just scratching the surface of things I need to work on.

OK, you made it through all that.  Here's something a little happier to show you.  I have picked the colors for my quilt and have gotten started.  These are only a few of the blocks.  Trust me they look awesome with that backing I picked out.  This will be all the blocks for today unless my son will mow the grass instead of me.  I still have a few hours til 5 :-)

I think I'm going to try a new recipe tonight, so I'll post about it this weekend.  Thanks for sticking with me for this post.  I sure do feel a lot better and different over the last few days and hope I can reflect it on my blog.
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annie said...

Wow, Mary!
Just wanted to say, sometimes you have to let the "stuff" go and take care of yourself, and the ones you love. I heard a very good radio comment this week:" you need to see the value of a person as an individual, and not just what they do or don't do for you." I thought that was a good reminder for me.
Really liked the quilt blocks, have a good weekend.

Sheila said...

Mary, I hope all will work out for you and Steve. I believe we all need a reality check once in a while. Believe me I've had several myself in almost 36 years of marriage!
You look wonderful in that picture too.
Love the colors you're using in the quilt too!
Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers~

Allison said...

I love your quilt colors.

Glad you are working it out with Steve. I assume my husband should know what I want and that is so far from reality sometimes, thanks for the communication reminders. Good luck.

Penny said...

Glad you and Steve are working through the issues. I think we are all guilty of forgetting how to communicate with each other from time to time. I think all of the Communication Lessons you posted could apply to me, too! Good luck to both of you!!

lilraggedyangie said...

Mary , stay strong stay true to yourself and your kids , if its meant to be it will!Do what feels right in your heart! I think too often many of us just get in a rut and forget to take care of us ,,,and then everything else goes to the wayside as well, as you know I recently got a new do for all the same reasons! So be girlie even if its only one day a week ! Im so proud of you and Steve for trying to work this out ! Im here if you need me ! hugs lil raggedy angie

PS you looked very beautiful

marly said...

I think you may have opened a few eyes and helped a few people today. I always try to put myself in the other person's position to see how unreasonable I am! One word of advise - allow yourself one evening or more for your crafting. You enjoy it so don't deny yourself completely or it may become a resentment. I hope you work everything out and it sounds like you are wise enough to do that.

Sandi @ The Primitive Skate said...

So sorry to hear this happened to you, but glad you are trying to work things out! Your story sounds like the rut I'm in right now! My thoughts and prayers are with you and I hope everything turns out in the end! Take Care and have a wonderful weekend!!

Never So Simple said...


I am so happy you are trying to work things out. I remember how happy he made you in the begining. Trust me when I say don't waste time or energy being angry with one another. You just never know when it will all be taken away for good.

One rule you posted is so true and I had to learn myself. Just because you are together all the time it doesn't mean you know everything about one another. You have to communicate and let that person know what's wrong and what you are thinking. They don't always think the same way you do.

I am looking forward to reading more of your love story to come.


Betsy's Basket Blog said...

Congratulations Mary for taking the high road when it would be so much easier to stick your head int the ground and go along your merry way. Relationships are hard, even great ones. I applaud you both for agreeing to work on your communication skills. You're both in my prayers! Blessings, Anita

jennifer768 said...

Mary I am sorry that you have had to deal with this problem and so proud that you are trying to work it out.Relationships and friendships sometimes just become to comfortable and it is hard to see it before it goes to far.You look beautiful and I sure could take a few lessons from you.Big hugs,Jen

Carmen and the Primcats said...

((((Mary)))) You are making a lot of positive steps! Good job!

Carmen and the Primcats

Please please get rid of the word verification. This will be try # 4 to comment. :(

Brenda said...

Best of luck to you both!!


simple~needs said...

yea!!!! we love ya..... and steve. :)

Dirty Martini Queen said...

Thanks for telling the real story about relationships not just the rose colored glasses view. We all go thru difficult patches, ebbs and flows in the normal life of relationships but the choice e make is to stick with it during those difficult moments. We went to marriage counseling a few years ago and it really changed our lives. Never thought after 20 years of marriage that he still couldn't read my mind and meet all my needs because I sure iPod You and Steve just need to remember there are reasons that you fell in love in the first place and work on getting back to those reasons.

I do agree that you can't completely quit crafting or you are losing a piece of yourself.

Take care of yourself and everything else will fall back into place

frontporchprims said...

Life lessons are hard to learn sometimes, but the important things is that you learn them:) I am happy you are taking time for yourself finally. It's funny how things can get in the way of that. I am also happy that things weren't totally abolished in your relationship and that you are still seeing each other. That in itself is a blessing. I hope things continue to grow and get better. I am proud of you for your self discovery and being brave enough to share it with us. -Steph-